she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
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He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
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he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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