how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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