eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Quick, to the slutcave!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
