listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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