onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
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I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize