What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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