My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
