I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
4 words: hood of his car
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
