Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I can't turn off my feet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm both gender and math confused
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