I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
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I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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