I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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