as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
