do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
