I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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