I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
