He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
