He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
