he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
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you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
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Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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