Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
