He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
