you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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