I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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