Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
