Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
