Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
found the other keg... it's in the tree
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
