My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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