im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
