So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
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I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
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just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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