Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
