Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
