Don't make out with my wife yet
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
