Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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