PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
accomplished twins. life is a go
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
