my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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