If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
