Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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