I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
