God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
