Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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