I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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