so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
