I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
