we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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