its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She's the barista slut.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
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The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
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On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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