I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
