I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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