apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Naked. naked and bneed help.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
