Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
