Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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