I think my fart just growled at me.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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