Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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