Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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