Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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