Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
