Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
