well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
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I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
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I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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