this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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