How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
