i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
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Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
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He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize