Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
