but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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