i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
two words...techno handjob
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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